I'm So Green! | Bostonista: I'm So Green!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm So Green!


Everyone's favorite precocious blogger, Tavi, is heading to Tokyo as we speak! She's there to shoot for some Japanese fashion magazines but mostly to attend Comme des Garcons' holiday party on November 27th! The 13-year-old is going to be seated with her idol, Rei Kawakubo!
Between trips to NYFW, LA, and Tokyo she seems to be missing a lot of school, don't you think?

In my world, I've been down & out with a nearly month long sinus infection and stress at my "real" job. I love the kids and the hours and all but I hate that I'm quickly becoming more of a teacher than any kind of writer or stylist. I just don't find any kind of joy in my life anymore and it is making me tired and slow.
My friends, who I haven't seen in weeks, all have full lives with classes, jobs, and lots of social interaction and when I'm free (usually only Saturdays) they have plans with new friends, or are too tired from their weeks to make plans, or just want to be with their boyfriends. I live in the suburbs and can't just drive in at a moment's notice-not like taking the T down the street to meet up at a bar. If I want to hang out it takes planning and I hate that because I'm not a planner and my friends really aren't either. I still talk to them on a regular basis but that isn't the same.
I get invited to parties or events by publicists or other bloggers and I'm too tired or too shy to go. Usually too tired to go home after work, glam up, drive in and hang out with strangers on a week night. Plus, I feel like I'd be a disappointment. Less naturally stylish and pretty than expected. At least here I can hide behind a graphic and the computer.
But what kind of life is that?

I've thought seriously about applying for a post-grad program at London's College of Fashion but where would I get the money? I can't afford to take out any student loans (and I don't believe any company would be stupid enough to give me more...) and I think I'd get scared and come home after a week. I've never been far away from my family for an extended amount of time and I don't think my anxiety will allow it. My friends and family all say, Yeah at least apply! But they know that I won't and even if I did that I wouldn't go. I'm all talk.

I do know that if I don't make a major change soon my soul is going to shrivel up and die. I'll spend the rest of my life as a shell of a person, going through the motions and never having any real experiences.

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Go buy Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster right now!

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I believe that telling the universe what you need will help bring it to you. So I've shared all of this and I'm telling the universe that I need a connection. To anything.

5 comments:

MissNeira said...

I totally feel you! I believe I am in a similar boat! Wish there is a way to help!
but things will come to you! everything will happen for a reason

Mimi said...

Great post! Love the pictures, and I also agree that sometimes the best way to cope with your feelings is to let it out for the whole world to hear. It's never too late to change your life around and accomplish your dreams. I wish you the best of luck and I really do need to go and get that Lady Gaga album pronto!

Cafe Fashionista said...

What you said at the end there..."I believe that telling the universe what you need will help bring it to you. So I've shared all of this and I'm telling the universe that I need a connection. To anything," resonates completely with the situation I am currently in, as well.

I feel like I'm too scared and shy to take chances. To leave my comfort zone and really go out and experience life. I'm at the end of my Bachelor's degree, and I have to decide whether I want to enter an MFT program (which will likely keep me in the same place for 2-3 years), or start an MBA program that will allow more freedom. And then when it all comes down to it, I just want to be with a boy who loves me. And I'm not sure if I want to stay in California, or move across country.

Everything seems so confusing at times; and you worry that if you don't take a chance you could be ruining your life. Then again, if you do take a chance, you could also end up miserable...Feel free to e-mail if you ever need to talk. :)

Anonymous said...

sooo first off, u cant be that old by the sound of your blog, and aspirations of still wanting to attend school etc. im just guessing, but if im right - that should be all the inspiration you need to go out and do it. You already have the guts and passion, otherwise you wouldnt even have your blog my friend you would just sit around thinking "wouldnt it be cool to have a boston based blog". So make it a goal to meet up with friends ( even if u need to leave early to get there and leave early to get home). And make it a goal ( maybe twice a month?) to attend fashion events. For gods sake girl, your getting invited for a reason - and Im pretty certain its not cuz they think americas next top model is going to show up. Your style and a smile will take you a long way, even if that smile has to cover up your forced confidence- after a while the events will get easier to attend. And who knows , maybe some of those friends its hard to meet up with could meet you there.you would kill two birds with one stone. Now im no ask E jean or anything. But i do know that the only regret you will have is waking up one day at the age of 45 and thinking- why the hell didnt i do all that i wanted to and was physically capable of doing?
Best of luck to you with every endevor that you take, and may we all have the guts to follow our hearts.

Infinite Youth said...

i could not agree more. even though im only 16, and im sure you older than but, looking at Tavi..she makes me feel old. Like, I'm sitting here studyingfor emy math test while shes out in Japan being photographed. It makes me wanna be a better blogger but at the same time, I feel like its too late to do it.

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