I'm so sorry for my lack of posts recently. I just don't feel inspired at all. By anything. The idea that I don't have any kind of meaningful control over my own life has finally, truly hit me. I love fashion. I love the industry and all its horrid, fast-paced (decidedly non-glamorous) insanity more than anything. I guess that is why it hurts so much to watch it slip out of my life.I was signing my "Reasonable Guarantee of Work" form for the 09/10 school year for the school system I currently work at it and all I could think was, "Another year that I'm watching my dreams get even further away." I thought I was going to start sobbing.
When I was younger I would have said, "Stop being such a loser! Just get up and go! Make it happen! You can do it!"
But it turns out that it doesn't work that way in the real world. I thought that I was going to college so that I could figure out who I was, who I wanted to be, and then be able to get there.
Ironically its my college education that is holding me back. I can't get up and go because I have to pay back the $110,000 student loans. So I had to get that job (and a few others) and even though I'm trying I can't pay them back so my credit is shot and you can't move to a new city without a job or credit because you could never get a place to live. This is how a person gets stuck in a job and then a life they don't want.
I'm almost halfway through my twenties. And I've achieved absolutely nothing that I wanted to. I'm fine with changing my plans but not if those changes make me miserable! I'm on a treadmill and I'm running and running and going nowhere. It makes me feel like my hearts been broken and this time it won't heal.
So forgive me for not being inspiring.
