Tough Times 2012 | Bostonista: Tough Times 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tough Times 2012

Marilyn Monroe & Arthur Miller photographed by Richard Avedon

I try not to use Bostonista as a place to vent or to talk about my personal life.
It's a fashion blog, this is (obviously) not a personal style blog or a dating blog or my private journal, and I assume most readers come to see pretty pictures or enter contests.
I try to respect that.

At the same time, I don't really have any other outlet for my frustrations.
And I've been frustrated a lot recently.

A lot of things have changed in my life since the beginning of the year.
One of them excellent; Most of them life changing.

Around the end of February the man I thought I'd be with for the rest of my life, who I have waited (not always so) patiently for for the past 7 years, dropped a bombshell. It still, all these weeks later, feels like a twisting knife in my gut. 

Then, said man, dropped back in to my life for a brief, incredibly painful hour with yet another revelation.
That afternoon, as he broke my heart over and over, my mom kept calling my cell. 
When I had finally composed myself enough to use the phone I called her back and found out that my Nana had been taken to the hospital but seemed to be okay.

In a fit of fury at man #1 I went on a date with a new guy and over a few weeks we fell into an easy rhythm and I thought he'd be a good summer fling to help take my mind off of man #1.

Two weeks later my Nana, an ever present voice in my head, passed away.

Bostonista turned 4 and I forgot to celebrate or acknowledge it.
Happy Belated Fourth Birthday, blog! 

Since the funeral I've been stressed out, prone to cry at anything, and somehow even more resentful towards man #1. You can't even send a sympathy card, you bastard?!
But at least I had man #2 to hang out with, right?

Today he decided that I want something more serious then he is willing to ever be (which I really, really don't) and so we should just be friends. The last thing I want after what man #1 did is a relationship.
Maybe I was too comfortable too quickly? Apparently, I'm not "fling" material to him, which is odd because every other guy I've ever met has always thought I was only "fling" material. I guess I could argue and try to change his mind but I don't care enough. 
I'm honestly just bummed to not have a guy to hang out with.

I realize that the last paragraph doesn't help me come across as very sympathetic, or even very likable, but I'm bitter. 

At least my hair looks really blond today.

Some pretty pictures so I'm not entirely off topic:
(For more gorgeous pictures, outfit inspiration, and visual candy check out Bostonista's Pinterest. It has 100% less self-pity. I promise)

I actually feel a little better. 
Thanks for listening.

Maybe I should change the name of my blog to Bitter Blond!


Demi The Loveliest said...

you are only human doll! embrace it!

Shanna-Marie Beattie said...

I love clothes and fashion and everything involved but what you wrote is true and the essence of life and being human and I applaud you. I feel your pain more than you can imagine, I have gone through similar events. It can be difficult but I'm glad you wrote. I always write, mostly texts to my guy that broke my heart, le sigh, but it helps! I'm sorry for your loss and I hope we get to meet at StyleFixx! Keep your head up, easier said than done but you know what I mean :)

The New Gilded Age said...

I completely empathize. Been there, felt that. The completely un-joyous times we encounter as young women. For the record you do not sound like a pity party. We're all just doing what we must, but it never helps when people walk over our hearts and we need them.
I don't think I've ever recovered completely from the loss of my Grandmother.
Hang in there and do your best. Best of luck with your new StyleFixx job and the Reiss thing!

samantha ramage said...

it sounds like you're having a tough time- but i am so excited for your fashionable job opportunity with style fixx! that's amazing!!!

chin up, cheer up!!!

ps. i am doing an amazing boston giveaway you should enter!!

chillairandperfume said...

I love that you vented in this post, Kara. It seems like you've had a crazy year so far - both good & bad. You're incredibly strong & talented, and I can't wait to meet you in real life :)


Lissy said...

Oh Kara, I'm so very sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I'm glad to hear about your stylefixx job, that is wonderful news! XXOO Lissy

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